BREAK FAST

 

A week or so ago, I did a post about Ramazan (Ramadan) and the comments to the blog were few, but I did get a number of emails about the post. http://possumlane.blogspot.com/2010/08/ramadan-ramazan.html.

As most folks who know me at all know that I used to live in Turkey and that I have traveled extensively throughout the Middle East. I have a number of close Turkish friends here on the Shore. There are several restaurants here on the Eastern Shore of Virginia that are owned by Turks. I can think of 8 without straining my brain all that hard…

Anyway, my Turkish friends seem to appreciate my pitiful attempts at speaking their language (which I had not spoken for nearly 50 years, except for a selection of cuss words when needed – that my boss could not understand) and they appreciate my love of their country, food, and understanding and acceptance of their customs. So, I and some friends that I hang out with were invited to a Break Fast at an American Turkish cultural center in Georgetown, Delaware. If you read my post on Ramazan, you will remember that they do not eat or drink during daylight hours, which is a long stretch when Ramazan falls in the summer months. Remember Ramazan is based on the lunar calendar, so it is about 11 days earlier every year. Next year the days will be even longer as Ramazan will start about the 1^st of August. So, last night, our dinner was served at 8 PM, just after sunset.

Most of the women were dressed in their finest headscarves and long sleeved, floor length dresses. Most of the women and children sat on one side of the room, most of the men and visitors on the other. It just seemed to work that way for ease in feeding and caring for the children, not as a segregation thing. Think about your home at Thanksgiving, the men in front of the TV set or hanging out on the porch or gazebo, the women gathered around in the kitchen… I remember G-ma threatening the men with a spatula if they did not get out of her way… the gazebo was the escape from work or just being underfoot.

Our host, Asher, served us.

 

My friend, Mehmet, sat with me. My friends, Beatrice and Grenville, who kindly drove me to the dinner – a wonderful thing since I don’t drive after dark - and sat across from me.

We had a delicious dinner, lentil soup and fresh baked rolls, Turkish meatballs (Köfte – pronounced kind of like Kurftah), pilaf with beef and chickpeas, and a salad, and a sauce to eat with the pilaf. The sauce is a mixture of yogurt, cucumbers, onion and light garlic. All this was followed by fresh made baklava and çay (chai).

It was an emotional experience for me.

If you’ve read much of my blog or if you have known me for a while, you will know I dearly loved the few years I spent in Turkey, I was treated like royalty wherever I went, and I was most fortunate to be able to travel throughout much of the country. That might not look like much on the map, but back in the early 60s, the only paved roads were in the major cities, and there were often no bridges over the shallower rivers, one drove thru them. So travel was slow and yet it gave one a chance to experience the country in a way today’s tourists will miss whizzing by things at 70 mph. Part of my dad’s job was to help set up facilities for building roads and bridges. And being young (I graduated high school in Ankara) I picked up a bit of the language – enough to get in or out of trouble, get something to eat or drink, and find the bathroom! For some reason some of the words have always been part of my thinking vocabulary and just pop out from time to time and I don’t even realize it. I learned to eat eggplant in Turkey, so I learned it as patlican (pot-la-john) and still have to pause and think of the English for it, which in my old age can take some time.

An imam called us to prayer. It has been 46 years since I have heard an actual live voice do the call to prayer. It brought tears to my eyes. I felt very homesick for Turkey. There was prayer both before and after dinner giving thanks for the food and fellowship.

I got to visit with my dear friend, Ülkü, and her daughter I will call Bebek. You might remember them from the post about visiting the Virginia Museum of Marine Science. http://possumlane.blogspot.com/2010/03/missing-in-action-once-again.html

So I want to thank my dear friend, Asher, for inviting me and my friends, Grenville for offering to drive, Beatrice for her company, Mehmet for being my dinner companion, Ülkü and her friends for preparing a wonderful dinner, and the Turkish community for sharing a special occasion with us.

I am still smiling. Çok teşekkür ederim.

RAMADAN, RAMAZAN

 

Ramadan, or Ramazan as I learned it many years ago, started August 11^th this year. It made the news the other night because of some football player who is a Muslim is going to be observing Ramadan, and they are concerned with his ability to play during the fast. Of course… football… we can’t have someone impaired and not entertaining us, can we? But, I must look at the good side and shut that cynical self up… The good side is, it brings up the concept of Ramadan and thus the meaning is there for those who want to learn from it. So, a number of my friends have asked me about it knowing that I have many Muslim friends and Muslim family members.

For many, it is just seen as a time of fasting, from sunrise to sunset. But it is so much more than that. I will include a link to an excellent site for anyone who wants to learn more about Islam – not the fundamentalist jerks, who, like most any other fundamentalist group take holy words and distort them into a license for violence, but the true Islam which is a religion of peace. I know it is not perceived that way in this country anymore, but we often judge an entire people by the actions of a radical few. And another truth is, many of us in the USA see “them” in exactly the same way as they see us – after all, we have troops on the ground in several Muslim countries, we have bombed wedding parties, innocent villagers, farmers in their fields, women, children and babies in their mother’s arms… and we have a reputation for “occupying” countries, keeping a military presence after we are no longer being openly called the enemy.

If you have an open mind and wish to learn more, I suggest you visit http://www.islamicity.com/ramadan/ . It is an excellent site if you wish to be educated about Islam.

The following are excerpts from Islamicity on Ramadan. I have included a few things folks don’t expect to see… things beyond the usual fasting rules and prayer.

Eat, drink and be moderate

Almost all of us do it - once [the sun sets], we just keep plowing food and drink into our mouths till it's hard to move afterwards. And those of us who do it know this is totally contrary to the spirit of Ramadan, through which we're supposed to learn self-control not self-indulgence. Let's try to stick to the Prophetic rule on eating: fill our stomachs with one-third food, one-third water and one-third breathing space, even in Ramadan.

Give a dollar a day in charity...or five or ten

The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was always generous but even more so in Ramadan. Let's open our hearts and dig a little deeper in our wallets this year. Even less than a dollar a day adds up. Whatever you can give, it's the intention that counts.

Stop swearing and/or backbiting - with a special box

It's hard not to shoot our mouths off when someone's upset us. Whether we utter those four-letter words or backbite about someone to our family and friends, we know this isn't the God-approved way of letting off steam. In Ramadan, when we want to build our spirituality, we've got to [fight] our bad habits.

Try this: get a box [or jar] and every time you catch yourself swearing or backbiting put some money in it. It could be a buck or less. The point is to choose an amount that makes it feel like punishment.

At the end of the month send the money to a charity or buy a gift for the person whom you've backbitten the most against.

Call/email your relatives

You'd think that given the easy access to email, competitive long-distance calling rates, phone cards, etc. these days, we'd keep in touch with family and friends more often. But the opposite seems to be the case, as we get caught up in life's "busyness."

Strengthening ties with family members and keeping in touch with friends is part of our way of life and an act Allah is very pleased with. This Ramadan, call family and friends or at least email them a Ramadan card and ask them how their fasting is going.

Go on a technology diet

Even if you work in the IT industry, you can do this. Avoid checking personal email and surfing the web during your fast. After [the sun sets], instead of plopping yourself in front of the screen, pray. The same goes for the television. The point is to try to give our full attention to spiritual elevation this month.

Forgive everyone who has hurt you

Still got a festering wound from the fight with your friend last year? Still upset about something your spouse said during a heated argument? Or are you still bitter about the way your parents sometimes treated you as a kid? Let go of the anger and pain this Ramadan and forgive those who have hurt you. Forgiving someone is not only good for the body, but it's also great for the soul. And in Ramadan, ten days of which are devoted to Allah's forgiveness, shouldn't we lesser beings forgive too?  

If you find it very difficult to forgive everyone, forgive at least three people.

Q: Why does Ramadan begin on a different day each year?

Because Ramadan is a lunar month, it begins about eleven days earlier each year. Throughout a Muslim's lifetime, Ramadan will fall both during winter months, when the days are short, and summer months, when the days are long and the fast is more difficult. In this way, the difficulty of the fast is evenly distributed between Muslims living in the northern and southern hemispheres.

Q: What do Muslims believe they gain from fasting?

One of the main benefits of Ramadan is an increased compassion for those in need of the necessities of life, a sense of self-purification and reflection and a renewed focus on spirituality. Muslims also appreciate the feeling of togetherness shared by family and friends throughout the month. Perhaps the greatest practical benefit is the yearly lesson in self-restraint and discipline that can carry forward to other aspects of a Muslim's life such as work and education.

Q: Are there any exemptions from fasting?

Some of these exemptions are optional. 

Children under the age of puberty (Young children are encouraged to fast as much as they are able.) 

People who are mentally incapacitated or not responsible for their actions

The elderly

The sick

Travelers who are on journeys of more than about fifty miles

Pregnant women and nursing mothers

Women who are menstruating

Those who are temporarily unable to fast must make up the missed days at another time or feed the poor.

Q: Is fasting just about not eating and drinking during daylight hours?

Despite what many may think Ramadan is just not about restraining from food and drink. Muslims must also refrain from things such as verbal abuse, fighting, eavesdropping, backbiting, lying and slander as these acts render the fast as worthless. In essence Muslims must be model human beings during the fast. The act of abstinence is not meant to starve you; it is an act of worship like prayer. It enables people with plenty to empathize with those who have very little in this world.

To all my Muslim friends and relatives, Have a Happy and Blessed Ramazan. Peace be with you.