Saturday, June 18, 2011


Sometimes my friends send me the most amazing things…

Feel like a valedictorian?

My wife recently called to make an appointment with a new Doctor. She told the woman where she was coming from, and asked her "are you located on the North or South side of the street" to which the women replied, "It all depends on what direction you are coming from".

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to

Pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working

Feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the

Passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered

That it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'

His reply: 'I know. I already got that side . '

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS


We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that

We did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one

Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.


My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out

Window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a

Dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager,

Who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said

'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local township

Administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING

Sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman, KS


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

-- From Kansas City


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was

Leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'

Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun.

We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken.

We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into

Itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her

System would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.


Thursday, June 16, 2011


Don't know what the problem is, but blogger just won't let some comments get published. It asks for the verification word, accepts that, but then asks me to sign in, I do, new word verification, sign in again, new word verification, sign in again... and on it goes. On the other hand, a few blogs are now easier to access. Even with word verification... Very confusing.
And I guess I am lazy, but after the 3rd try, I just quit. So, if you are among those who no longer hear from me... I have probably been there, just can't tell you about it.
Anyone else having problems?

Meanwhile, I have not had the time to try to get the camera to work with this computer. Not sure when I will have that kind of time. Too much to do outside right now. And I am a lot slower this year. sigh. I know some of you understand.

Monday, June 13, 2011


** Adult Truths ***
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report
that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word
they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever..
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail
on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous
recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.
25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took
100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies quit

Friday, June 10, 2011


Remember when teachers,

public employees,

Planned Parenthood,

NPR and PBS crashed the stock market,

wiped out half our 401Ks,

took trillions in taxpayer funded bail outs,

spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico,

gave themselves billions in bonuses,

and paid no taxes?

Yeah, me neither.

(Thanks, Mike!)