Saturday, June 18, 2011


Sometimes my friends send me the most amazing things…

Feel like a valedictorian?

My wife recently called to make an appointment with a new Doctor. She told the woman where she was coming from, and asked her "are you located on the North or South side of the street" to which the women replied, "It all depends on what direction you are coming from".

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to

Pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working

Feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the

Passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered

That it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'

His reply: 'I know. I already got that side . '

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS


We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that

We did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one

Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.


My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out

Window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a

Dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager,

Who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said

'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local township

Administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING

Sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!

I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman, KS


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

-- From Kansas City


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was

Leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'

Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun.

We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken.

We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into

Itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her

System would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.



troutbirder said...

Oh my. As a retired teacher I shouldn't be surprised but..... its scary what's out there.

Ginnie said...

Just today I bought some potting soil and when I went to pay the $3.18 the clerk asked if I had the 18 cents. I had two dimes and 3 cents so I gave her a $5 bill and the twenty three cents. It completely confused her even though I explained that it would give me two $1 bills and 5 cents change...a nice tidy figure. I think she's still scratching her head!

Sissy said...

Life can be so funny. I meet comical ones all the time. Sometimes it is myself. Duh. Some good examples and laughs here, Possum. Really enjoyed them.

Rachel said...

Haha!! It is kinda scary, but funny too. Unfortunately I have been one of the idiots before!!

I once called a lumber company to ask if the lattice they had on sale, which was 4 x 8 feet: well, I wanted to know if it was 8 foot high or 8 foot wide. He said it all depends on which way you turn it! Well, then I realized my stupidity, and I cracked up laughing!!! I vowed never to go in that store again for fear they might somehow know it was me that called!!! LOL

possum said...

Oh Rachel! You made me laugh outloud! But I am sure that whoever answered the phone at the hardware store thought you were just joking with them.
Troutbirder, I, too, am a retired teacher... I bet we could fill books with stories........

Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

Very Funny

Gattina said...

Hehehe ! I should write these things down immediately, because they happen to me too !
I am glad that you enjoyed my Istanbul holidays, I am certainly going back there, it's such a special city, and I was surprised that everything was so well organized and very modern ! Our Belgian governement (which we still not have after a year) should take an example especially in transport questions !