AN IMPOSSUMBLY LONG WINTER

Where is Spring, you say! Here we have daffodils, pansies, even the forsythia is opening… the late camellias are starting and I swear I saw a little color on a couple early azaleas. I did! But if you listened to that dumb groundhog up in Philadelphia, well, I am sure you must be disappointed. You can see a picture of this liar on this blog: http://thefrogandpenguinn.blogspot.com/2013/03/dont-shoot-piano-player.html.

Very possumly Phil should be retired – a suggestion that he can’t refuse, kind of retirement… I, the Onley Proud member of the Possum Prognosticator’s Club, President of Possum Patrol (always on the lookout for lying muskrats), and possumly the most accurate Predictor of a Pussumly early spring… I got laughed at, guffawed at even, when I said Spring would indeed be late this year. HA! But who gets the last chortle? MOI! As I curl up all warm and toasty in my heated nest down the street from those nasty muskrats, snug but not smug… Oh, no, not me… I remember the disbelief when I saw MY shadow and ran for dear life back into my snugness on the carport Pledging not to come back out until spring really arrives… or some delicious cat food gets placed in the dish a couple feet outside my door. Whichever comes first. We possums may get blinded easily by headlights but we’re not fools! My human CO (Can Opener) still has her snow shovel out just a few feet on the other side of the heated water dish. She even has a de-icer in the ground level birdbath, yes indeedy.

But I digress… Just how accurate is that dumb groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil? According to StormFax Weather Almanac, Phil has been right 39 percent of the time since 1887. It is amazing that he still has a job. I, on the other hand can never be replaced. Not only is my Prediction record Perfect, but where else can you find an animal this cute who eats copperheads for snacks, catches mice and rats and all sorts of buglies and does NOT ever get rabies? Can you beat that with a stick? Impossumble. 

In spite of all the wet weather we have had here, and I do mean wet – I mean, look at the yard! In the summertime this is where grass gets cut! We would need pontoons on the mower to get thru here! Or, maybe we could sell it to some unsuspecting Yankee as waterfront property, huh? No?

My human will tell you, “It always snows on the daffodils.” I bet you can check back to March of each year and find a picture of some bright yellow beauties bowed over with a layer of snow. My human also says, “Count your Cards,” to see how long winter will last. Translation: the more Cardinals at your feeders, the longer the winter. Unh huh, check it out. I taught her all these things. I did. She is not as impossumble as most humans. I am right Proud of her. Pay attention to Nature I told her. The more berries, the colder the winter.  Then there is the nutty predictor – the more nuts, the worse the winter will be, or the thicker shells, or the fatter… you name it.  Whatever. They are talking about edible nuts, aren’t they? Not humans… most of them are nuts, it seems. The point is, it is 4 days after the vernal equinox, and if you look real hard, it is snowing. Either that or these trees got dandruff!

(If you were a possum you would find that hairlarious!)

OK, so it is only 5 snowflakes an hour right now. Hang on. Just wait! You’ll see!

THANKS, I NEEDED THAT

THIS HAS BEEN one of those days... on top of several other days. Been too busy for my body to be happy, and this morning started out cold and out doors, down at the Train Station talking to a mason about a little more work... then discussing what we are going to do inside... you can keep up with the goings on at the station on the SPOTS blog. Anyway, I got home, cold, tired from working in the woods the past 3 days, and had to deal with 6 phone calls... more work... more scheduling. Tell me again, why do they call this retirement? oh, right... I was tired of working, and now I am re-tired all over again. duh.

Anyway, I finally got to checking my non-urgent emails... and my dear neighbor sent me a laugh or two. Thought I would share them with you! (with apologies to blondes, rednecks and idiots...)

Different Ways Of Looking At Things

Two guys were discussing popular family trends in sex, marriage, and family values. Bill said, “I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Larry replied, “I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?”

A little boy went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?” The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.”

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don't like the looks of your wife at all.” “Me neither, doc,” said the husband. “But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.”

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?” The agent replies, “Just a minute.” “Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed?” asked one detective. “With a golf gun,” the other detective replied. “A golf gun! What is a golf gun?” “I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.”

Moe: “My wife got me to believe in religion.”
Joe: “Really?”
Moe: “Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.”

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. “I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say,” asked the nurse. “Oops!”

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. “What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?” “Better get a bikini,” he replied. “You'd never get it all in one.” He's still in intensive care.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she's there.”

MISSING IN ACTION - ONCE AGAIN

Missing in Action, Once Again…
Yes, it has been a while. But at least I have been missing IN ACTION. It could be otherwise... Life has gotten so very busy… I am involved in so many things I never dreamed I’d be involved in – but that is life – at least if you want to keep functioning. I still haven’t done half the posts I have started – especially the one about Lymes Disease, but I have a stash of half started ones just waiting. Well, waiting – unless my computer finally dies on me. It gets slower and slower. Yesterday someone sent me a video. It was not a real long video, about 3 and a half minutes – but it took the computer over an hour to open it. I clicked on [open] and went out in the kitchen and baked an apple pie and started a load of laundry. I get a lot of work done while I am waiting for things to open on this slow dial-up computer. I have been known to go out and cut the grass while waiting for something to load! In fact, I started this post at 2:30 on Friday afternoon, gave up at 7:30 (can't concentrate when Jeopardy is on) and came back Sat. morning!
Anyway, that is not the point of this posting. This post is to share last Tuesday with you. We have a new restaurant here in town and it is owned by some Turkish folks. As many of you know, I lived in Turkey many, many years ago. I was a kid in high school, graduated from high school in Ankara, Turkey. Those were the best and happiest years of my life! I got to travel all over the country and to many other countries as well, and to cities that have since been blown to smithereens. I am so glad I got to do those things before the “Meanness” took over and so many places became unsafe and Americans became the hated enemy by so many people. I loved Turkey and I loved the Turkish people. I was treated like a princess over there, never a moment of unkindness – people went out of their way to make me happy, comfortable… and I will never forget how well they treated me. So when the new restaurant opened, I greeted the new owners in their language, and after a momentary bit of shock, they returned the greeting. Since then, we have become good friends.
A couple of weeks ago, the mother in law of one of the owners came to visit from Ankara. She speaks no English and my Turkish is pitiful, especially since it has been almost 50 years since I spoke it. But, I thought it would be fun to take the owner’s child who is 3, his wife, and MIL across the Bay for the day and to a museum I think is real special. I later found out they were a bit hesitant – I mean taking a 3 year old to a Museum of Marine Science????? In keeping with my policy of not totally identifying children in my blogs, I will refer to the child as Bebek (baby), the mother as Anne (pronounced Ahn’ ay) which means mother, and the MIL as, well, MIL. And I am here to report they had to carry the child out of the museum crying because she did not want to leave there, EVER! Did I mention this museum is very child centered, and Bebek loves fish. It is her newest love, and it was a fight to get her to move to the other part of the museum (mammals, birds, amphibians, marsh life) she wanted to see more fish! I took about 80 pictures and it is hard to put only a few on here – she is so cute!
We started at the seal tank. Look carefully, they are in there. Kids like to race them around the tank. Then thru the out doors exhibit with a few fish, local birds, turtles, etc… and into the aquarium rooms. There were lots of other kids in there, some even younger than Bebek, but she ignored them, unable to keep her eyes off the fish and turtles. She even ignored the pelicans out the window starring instead down into the water to see if she could see any more fish. She was glad when we moved on! There are loads of hands on displays – like I said, the place is very kid friendly, How much fun is this????? and she did not get discouraged when she was a bit too little to make something work – she just moved on to the next thing. As we moved thru the display areas, whenever she saw a tank with fish – she took off. I was glad her mother could run! The gift shop was only mildly interesting, likewise for the displays with the komodo dragons. The fun there was climbing into the bubble inside the display. The otters were sunning themselves, how boring... “Where are the fish?”
She put up a fight when it was time to leave - I had to promise more entertainment! So, on the way home, I took a one block detour and took them to the ocean front. I thought they needed to see the Atlantic Ocean on a beautiful clear calm day. The other times they had taken the MIL to the ocean, it was either pouring down rain or it was foggy, so this was her first real view of the Atlantic from ground level. I don’t ever remember seeing it so calm! Bebek had a good time digging in the sand. I will have to take her to the beach this summer.
We also stopped at First Landing State Park, but the visitor’s center, unfortunately, was closed as that way makes it easy (for me) access to the boardwalk out over the swamp and thru the Spanish moss. By this time I could barely walk and had to use the cane, but we went up the path. I thought MIL should see the Spanish moss. This is the furthest north one can find it. Bebek enjoyed the hike until she discovered the water between the cracks on the board walk. I told them we needed to come back in May – the park is beyond beautiful then.
Emotionally, I can’t wait for our next outing – physically, I’d like to sleep for about a week! But, it was the most fun I’ve had in a long while. Funny how you can meet someone and you feel like you found the sister you didn’t know you had! Sometimes life is great, but you have to take a chance. MIL can’t wait until I come to visit her in Ankara. I can’t either! Guess I need to get a new passport, eh?

I LOVE PUNS!

ENJOY!

PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.. Heacquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out tobe an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in LinoleumBlownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15.. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium atlarge.
16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasonedveteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your countthat votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. Some wives mend their husband's socks Others don't give a darn.

(Thanks, Frank!)