Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung aSign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it!
They walk amongst us!-------------------------------------
*One day I was walking down the beach withSome friends when someone shouted.....'Look at that dead bird!'Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'
They walk among us! ----------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked theEstate agent which direction was north becauseHe didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'My brother explained that the sun rises in the eastAnd has for sometime. She shook her head and said,'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'
They Walk Among Us!--------------------------------------------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,when we overheard an admin girl talking about thesunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.She drove down in a convertible, but saidshe 'didn't think she'd get sunburnedbecause the car was moving'.
They Walk Among Us!------------------------------------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her carwhich is designed to cut through a seat beltif she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Among Us! -------------------------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.The woman there smiled and told me not to worrybecause she was a trained professional andsaid I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,'Has your plane arrived yet?'...(I work with professionals like this.)
They Walk Among Us!------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a manordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cutinto 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some timethen said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungryenough to eat 6 pieces.
They Walk Among Us!
Thanks Bobby for the humor... but what is scary is - how do we know when we are one of THEM? Obviously they had no idea...
What if..........................
Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
THANKS, I NEEDED THAT
THIS HAS BEEN one of those days... on top of several other days. Been too busy for my body to be happy, and this morning started out cold and out doors, down at the Train Station talking to a mason about a little more work... then discussing what we are going to do inside... you can keep up with the goings on at the station on the SPOTS blog. Anyway, I got home, cold, tired from working in the woods the past 3 days, and had to deal with 6 phone calls... more work... more scheduling. Tell me again, why do they call this retirement? oh, right... I was tired of working, and now I am re-tired all over again. duh.
Anyway, I finally got to checking my non-urgent emails... and my dear neighbor sent me a laugh or two. Thought I would share them with you! (with apologies to blondes, rednecks and idiots...)
Different Ways Of Looking At Things
Two guys were discussing popular family trends in sex, marriage, and family values. Bill said, “I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Larry replied, “I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?”
A little boy went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?” The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.”
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don't like the looks of your wife at all.” “Me neither, doc,” said the husband. “But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.”
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?” The agent replies, “Just a minute.” “Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed?” asked one detective. “With a golf gun,” the other detective replied. “A golf gun! What is a golf gun?” “I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.”
Moe: “My wife got me to believe in religion.”
Joe: “Really?”
Moe: “Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.”
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. “I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say,” asked the nurse. “Oops!”
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. “What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?” “Better get a bikini,” he replied. “You'd never get it all in one.” He's still in intensive care.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she's there.”
Anyway, I finally got to checking my non-urgent emails... and my dear neighbor sent me a laugh or two. Thought I would share them with you! (with apologies to blondes, rednecks and idiots...)
Different Ways Of Looking At Things
Two guys were discussing popular family trends in sex, marriage, and family values. Bill said, “I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Larry replied, “I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?”
A little boy went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?” The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.”
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don't like the looks of your wife at all.” “Me neither, doc,” said the husband. “But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.”
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?” The agent replies, “Just a minute.” “Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed?” asked one detective. “With a golf gun,” the other detective replied. “A golf gun! What is a golf gun?” “I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.”
Moe: “My wife got me to believe in religion.”
Joe: “Really?”
Moe: “Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.”
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. “I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say,” asked the nurse. “Oops!”
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. “What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?” “Better get a bikini,” he replied. “You'd never get it all in one.” He's still in intensive care.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she's there.”
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
SERIOUS ICE!
ICICLES are rare here on the shore – might be because we can go for years without snow, ya think? So, I suppose folks from snowier areas must think it strange to take pictures of icicles – but even for someone who has lived in Maine, I thought these were pretty spectacular… or maybe have I just been in VA too long. 
Anyway, I just had to share these couple shots with you.
Storm update – we have 8 foot drifts. Most of the back roads here on the shore are closed. The Testosterone Cowboys with 4 wheel drive have been trying to blast their way thru the drifts, just for the fun of it, but, DUH, many of the drifts are a half a mile long, not those little 2 foot wide piles of snow they use in that commercial. So, they get 50 feet into the drift and their 4 wheel drive will not take them any further – NOR does it get them back out! It is difficult to even get out of a vehicle when the snow is up over your hood, over the windows, or even, imagine, up to the roof. So, many of our roads are blocked, not just with snow, but with abandoned vehicles.
Some of the excuses the tow truck operators are hearing are amazing… “I had a hankering for sausage, so we were going to Wal-Mart.”
“We ran out of toilet paper.”
“I dunno, we got bored and I got 4 wheel drive…”
“I was going to go dig my girl friend’s driveway out. (Does she have to go somewhere? Is she a nurse or something?) No, she invited me over for dinner. Gonna have spaghetti. I’m bringing the wine.” (well, that explained one or 2 of the bottles… maybe, but not the open beer can)…
Yep, this one will go down in the record books for us.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
ABOUT FARMING AND ROADS
I mentioned a problem with farm equipment in a previous posting and someone asked me if I was against farming - or something like that... and my answer might be that I am not happy with corporations running farms and some of their practices... but my problem is with the humongous equipment that barely fits on our road and the inability and even unwillingness of some drivers to get out of the way.
I guess they expect these behemoths to back up for them - I don't know. But you would think that even an idiot seeing one of these monsters coming down the road would know enough to stop, get in someone's driveway or do something to stay out of harm's way. Most of us have deep drainage ditches separating our property from the road. This is flat land, the water has to drain into the Bay or the Ocean, hence drainage ditches. Notice the curvature of the road - it is called a turtle back here and is very slippery in freezing weather. It is very rare for a big piece of equipment to start up the narrow part of the road when they see someone else already in the middle of it.
However, on Monday, a school bus was coming down my road heading back into town. This monster sized piece of equipment did not stop and wait for the bus to get thru, he just kept driving. The road is 4 lanes wide about 500 feet before the bus and Deere had a "meeting" on my road. My property is a tenth of a mile long - no place to get out of the way for something this big. It is close even for 2 school buses to pass each other.
Did he expect the bus to back up over a tenth of a mile or just go in the ditch with all the kids on board? I came in the house to grab the camera. By the time I got back outside, somehow the bus had managed to get by and the equipment was up on my bank. 
Do you know HOW BIG those tires are?
I guess they expect these behemoths to back up for them - I don't know. But you would think that even an idiot seeing one of these monsters coming down the road would know enough to stop, get in someone's driveway or do something to stay out of harm's way. Most of us have deep drainage ditches separating our property from the road. This is flat land, the water has to drain into the Bay or the Ocean, hence drainage ditches. Notice the curvature of the road - it is called a turtle back here and is very slippery in freezing weather. It is very rare for a big piece of equipment to start up the narrow part of the road when they see someone else already in the middle of it. However, on Monday, a school bus was coming down my road heading back into town. This monster sized piece of equipment did not stop and wait for the bus to get thru, he just kept driving. The road is 4 lanes wide about 500 feet before the bus and Deere had a "meeting" on my road. My property is a tenth of a mile long - no place to get out of the way for something this big. It is close even for 2 school buses to pass each other.Did he expect the bus to back up over a tenth of a mile or just go in the ditch with all the kids on board? I came in the house to grab the camera. By the time I got back outside, somehow the bus had managed to get by and the equipment was up on my bank. Do you know HOW BIG those tires are?
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